Hospital Stay: Take Two

So, here I am again...

...fresh out of the psych ward once again, looking through even newer eyes. I was there for only five days this time, thankfully.

I had been put on the medicine Depakote about a month again, and after two weeks I had gained 11 pounds from it. I called my psychiatrist frantically, asking why I was gaining so fast. I was eating right and exercising. I even started a detox, and STILL kept gaining. Needless to say, we stopped that medicine quickly.

In the days waiting to start my new medicine, I started losing the weight quickly. Now, I am back to where I was before I started gaining, thankfully. But, stopping that medicine was not without consequences. My symptoms from the psychosis started to slowly creep back in. My depression began to overtake me, the thoughts and delusions tried to get me back in their grasp, so I knew something needed to be done. I checked myself back into Carolina Behavioral Health.

This time was not NEAR as bad as the first time. The group of people there were much more positive, and I actually had a friend of mine staying there at the same time as me. I was much more relaxed as I knew what to expect. That didn't make it any easier to be away from my husband and babies, though.

They started me on Lamictal, and raised my Risperidone, an anti psychotic, another milligram. I would say it has made me feel great, but I am still in the process of getting better.

This illness, the psychosis, can take over a year to recover from. You lose everything in this illness, your confidence, your sense of self, your sense of motherhood at some level. It hurts all parties involved, your family and friends. It hurts them to see me go through this, but I know they are proud of me for shouldering this the best that I can.

I know God is using this as a way for me to escape to Him. He is using this as an opportunity for me to cling to Him, and only Him. He is doing this to better myself and to make me appreciate my life and the bond with my family. I know when I get better from this, I will have a whole new view on life itself, and I am excited for that day to come.