Recovery and ECT

Requiem for a Dream,

One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, White Heat, all of these movies have scenes of someone being treated with ECT. These movies have highly demonized the procedure.

Why am I bringing this up? Because my psychiatrist highly recommended it for me. She said my depression and mania are swinging rapidly, and medication is not helping me fast enough. ECT stands for "electroconvulsive therapy." The psychiatrist puts two electrodes on your head, one on the right side of your head, and one on top. They give you a shock for about 5-10 seconds, and create a grand mal seizure. Thankfully, they give you a muscle relaxant and your body is not damaged by the seizure. You are also sedated the whole time. So, all in all, it isn't too bad of a wrap.

Risks: memory loss.

I have plenty of things I would not mind forgetting, most things date back before 2010. I mean, who doesn't want to forget their awkward middle school days? I know I do.

I am really nervous about the procedure. Not the shock, but the going under part. I have only been sedated once, and that was for my wisdom teeth. I don't remember a thing, but I still hate the idea of losing control and being at the mercy of doctors, even if they know what they are doing.

Apparently, ECT is a very common treatment for morbid depression, mania, and psychosis. Which I have all three, haha! So, hopefully it is as miraculous as it seems. More than likely I will undergo up to six treatments, two of which will be inpatient.

I need prayers and thoughts during all this. I am extremely nervous, but I feel that God is leading me to that procedure for a reason. I have to get better for not only myself, but for my two little babies and my husband, who has been nothing but wonderful throughout this whole mess. I just want to feel like me again, happy me. There is a difference between manic happiness and natural happiness. If you have ever been manic, you know what I mean. It's miserable.

So, hopefully it goes well. I go to talk to the doctors about it tomorrow, and most likely will start Monday. Will update afterwards as fast as I can!